The Kid Who Came With the Wallet
by yuffiehighwind
Summary: Deimos sure is something, but he's nothing like his brother Phobos. The Olympians all comment on how different the twin Gods of Fear are.


**Summary: **Deimos sure is something, but he's nothing like his brother Phobos. The Olympians all comment on how different the twin Gods of Fear are.

**Notes: **This is an excerpt from a WIP I'm writing that's posted over on AO3 called "Always knew the melody but never heard it rhyme." (Yeah, I'm that chick who uses song lyrics as obnoxiously long fanfic titles.) Anyway, "Always Knew the Melody" takes place during my weird XWP/HtLJ series "An Eternity in Cheese Country," a ludicrous epic in which Discord, Deimos and Strife have been reincarnated in 1998 Wisconsin. Long story, no time to explain, but "Always Knew the Melody" is told from the still-immortal Aphrodite's POV and is largely about her life as Deimos' mother. (Cupid gets in some narration too.) In this chapter, the characters flash back to three moments in Deimos' life when he's compared to his brother Phobos.

Like in the original Greek myth, Aphrodite and Ares are the parents of Deimos and Phobos, even though Deimos is explicitly their cousin in TV canon. Phobos is not a character in the TV series.

His conversation with Discord subtly references two fics I wrote - one in which Deimos uses his powers to scare some humans, and another in which Discord talks him into playing chicken on the Colossus of Rhodes. She also references the events of S6E2 of HtLJ, "Love Amazon Style."

His conversation with Cupid is supposed to take place right before S5E20 of HtLJ, "Fade Out," in which it's implied Ares is only just now considering Deimos to be the "God of Terror." In that episode, Ares comments to Discord that he isn't sure Deimos is right for the job - indicating that when you don't get a title at birth, you choose one for yourself. Changing titles is something brought up occasionally throughout the TV series. For example, Discord wants to be the Goddess of Retribution, which she is finally "assigned" after Nemesis becomes human.

In 1877, two of the planet Mars' moons were named Deimos and Phobos. Yes, I know Mars and Venus were the Roman counterparts to Ares and Aphrodite, but whatever. This separation doesn't exist in the TV series.

Allegedly, there was a real life cult that worshiped Phobos.

The title comes from the Rodney Dangerfield joke - "I'm so ugly my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet."

* * *

_**The Kid Who Came With the Wallet**_

"I don't see a resemblance."

The God of War stood with his arms crossed, head tilted slightly in thoughtful puzzlement, watching two little boys about five years old play. They were alike in age, height and build, but with slightly different facial features. One boy had short, combed silver hair that constantly seemed to shift in color each time you glanced away. The other boy's hair was more normal – light blonde and messy.

"Well they're, ya know, fraternal twins," said the Goddess of Love.

One twin sat still on the floor playing with some blocks she'd left out for him, levitating them like young gods sometimes did to practice their telekinesis. Similarly, his brother - after failing to convince the quieter boy to join him in a race from one wall to the other – decided to challenge himself instead, seeing how far he could teleport. He tried to attract his twin's attention, but the boy was focused on building a small pyramid. Without looking, he ran into Ares, who grunted in annoyance. The child shrugged apologetically but teleported away without saying sorry.

"That one's the spitting image of Discord's kid," said Ares. "Acts kinda like him, too. Won't sit still or stop moving. I don't think I've seen his brother blink once."

"They'll probably be more alike when they're older," said Aphrodite.

Ares pointed to the calmer child playing on the floor. "That one gives me the creeps."

The active twin suddenly materialized, bumping into Ares, and this time the boy gleefully laughed.

"Watch it!" Ares snapped. He turned to Aphrodite. "The little shit kicked me!"

"Language," she chided. "And he barely touched you."

Before Ares could grab him by the ear and teach him manners, the boy was gone. While Ares fumed, Aphrodite watched their other son with concern – Phobos was so different from his hyper twin Deimos and their older brother Cupid - and asked Ares, "What should we do about Phobos?"

"Hmm," he said, considering. "The child fills a person with dread with a single glance, so let's call him the God of Fear." Phobos looked up at them with two glowing red eyes. It made Aphrodite shiver. "He'll be powerful," said Ares. "I can tell."

"I wish one had been a love god like Cupid," she said with a sigh.

Ares shrugged. "Jury's out on what Deimos will choose."

"We won't choose for him?"

"Maybe he swings both ways."

"So do we," she said with a smirk, because she and Ares were attracted to all genders. Most of the gods were pansexual.

"I mean between Love and War."

"Oh, right," Aphrodite said. Suppressing her fear, she bent down and smiled at little Phobos, plucking one floating block out of the air and placing it on top of his toy pyramid. "It was a bit iffy what Cupid would choose," she said, "but look at him now, making matches and bringing people together." She stood up, and with a disgusted snort, added, "Unlike our chaotic sister and nephew. Ugh!"

"They serve their purpose."

"You mean_ your _purpose."

"What can I say? I like to delegate."

With a red shimmer, Deimos reappeared, knocking over his brother's toy pyramid. He was having trouble pinpointing where he wanted to jump.

"Sorry!" he told his twin, panicked. It was the first apology from his lips - not to his imposing, God of War father, but to the small, unassuming young god on the floor. With a nervous wave of his hand, the blocks righted themselves. The boy immediately teleported away. Phobos looked at the blocks with a frown not unlike his normal expression, but his eyes seemed to glow slightly redder.

"Oh honey," said Aphrodite affectionately, ruffling his silver hair. "Can you close your eyes for just a little while?"

"Why Mama?" the boy asked.

"Because you're giving me chills."

"You'll be a powerful god, Phobos," Ares said. "People will worship and fear you."

In a small voice, sounding sad, Phobos replied, "But I don't wanna scare people, Daddy."

"Sometimes we can't choose who and what we are."

Deimos popped into view again, startling Ares.

"What kind of god am I gonna be?" he asked excitedly.

Ares pursed his lips, thinking. Aphrodite shrugged at Ares, then gave the boy an awkward smile.

"We're not sure yet, Deimie," she said. "You're still young."

"Probably like your cousin Strife." To Aphrodite, he added, "And what a shame that would be."

"What?"

"If he's just like our useless nephew."

Aphrodite covered Deimos' ears. The boy squirmed and pried them off.

"Shh!" she said. "Don't say that!"

"What? Negative reinforcement builds character. Everyone needs to be good for something. A useless god is a dead god." Ares turned to Deimos. "Ya hear that, kid?"

Sounding frightened, Deimos cried, "I don't wanna die!"

"You're not going to die, sweetie," said Aphrodite.

"Just because he's immortal, doesn't mean he'll be remembered."

"You're gonna eat those words, Ares." She turned to their son. "You'll be downright terrifying, Deimos. Humans will name planets after you, just like us."

Ares scoffed. "Planets? They named planets after us because we're members of The Twelve. Don't get the brat's hopes up."

"A moon, then," said Aphrodite. "They'll name a moon after you. And you too, Phobos. Two beautiful celestial bodies, flying through the sky."

"Or two ugly floating rocks."

"Hey!" Aphrodite protested. "The planet they named for you is just one big, dead, red boulder."

"And yours is covered in a swirling cloud of poisonous gas," said Ares. "Though I suppose it's the thought that counts."

* * *

_Three hundred years later_

Cupid sat beneath a tree airing out his wings - with his bow by his side, he slowly sharpened his arrows, enjoying the feel of the warm sun on his feathers. Suddenly Deimos materialized with a red shimmer, much too close and startling Cupid. He almost stepped on Cupid's stack of freshly sharpened arrows - though made of stronger stuff than ordinary wood, they still risked being snapped beneath a god's boot.

"I've got it!"

"What the—?"

His little brother backed up and began to pace back and forth with manic excitement. Frowning, Cupid gathered his arrows together and stuck them back in their quiver.

"I figured out my title," the younger god said, "but before I go around using it, I want a little feedback first."

"Why did you—What in Tartarus compelled you to come to me first? Why would I ever_, ever_ want to speak to you after all the shit you've pulled? Not to mention all the people you've killed."

"Collateral damage," Deimos said with a dismissive wave. "This time I was trying to kill Hercules."

Cupid rolled his eyes and said sarcastically, "Right."

Deimos stopped pacing. With a scowl, he said, "Our introduction didn't go so great. He thought I was Strife."

Deimos scoffed, as though such a mistake was unbelievable. It wasn't. Other Olympians had often drawn that comparison, even the people who had been closest to their deceased cousin – his mother Discord and uncle Ares – who knew Strife well enough to know he and Deimos differed in many ways. It made sense that Hercules would make this mistake at first. Strife hadn't been a stranger to shapeshifting.

Deimos continued ranting, "I was like, 'Ha! Joke's on you! He's dead!' And Hercules was like, 'I'm terribly sorry, my condolences' and I was like 'I don't give a shit, and you're gonna be joining him,' and Hercules was like, 'I don't think so' and—"

"Skip to the end."

"I might have set a building on fire."

Cupid sighed, stood up and gathered his bow. He would have to find somewhere else to relax.

"Let me guess, Hercules got everybody out before it collapsed."

"Well, no," said Deimos. "There was this one old dude who was all like, 'I'm gonna stay behind! Save the rest!' and then everyone was really, really sad, but, ya know, them's the breaks." He laughed, its pitch rising to a shrill cackle.

"Has anyone ever told you that you laugh at the most inappropriate—"

"And then it dawned on me, my purpose, and I can't believe I didn't think of this like two centuries ago. Ya know how our brother Phobos is the God of Fear?"

"How can I forget?"

Deimos raised his hands, as though spelling his new title out on a sign.

"Get this - Deimos, God of Terror!" He laughed. "More specifically - intentional, indiscriminate violence against civilians. It's perfect. Fits like a glove."

"I suppose that tracks. There's just one problem."

Angrily pointing his finger in Cupid's face, he growled, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!"

Cupid ignored the forceful digit, and casually leaned on his bow.

"You're terrified of everything."

Deimos looked affronted.

"You mean I terrify everyone."

"No, I mean you're scared of your own shadow."

"Where'd you get that idea?"

"For starters, you jump when you're startled."

A crow landed on a branch above them and cawed as if on cue. Deimos let out a shriek.

"See what I mean?"

Deimos snapped his fingers and the crow's branch caught on fire. The bird flew away in fright.

"That doesn't matter," he said, looking around for any more surprise avians. "I'll just, ahem, stay a bit more hands off. Like our brother."

"Dude, you would last, like, a day," said Cupid with a chuckle. "You crave the attention."

Moving on from the topic of being too scared to scare people, Deimos said, "Look, you start with a really cool title, like God of Terror, and you build your persona out from that, ya know? It's a work in progress. But you like that? God of Terror? Has a nice ring to it."

Wanting this conversation over, Cupid said, "Sure, whatever, knock yourself out."

Cupid prepared to fly away, far away from his brother and this entire unwelcome exchange, when Deimos leaned in close to whisper, "What do you think—umm-What do you think Ares will say?"

He looked nervous at the prospect of his father judging and rejecting him. Picking a title was a big deal for a god, especially so late. It was doubly important to Deimos, who every day for the last three hundred years had people tilting their heads to the side and asking when Strife decided to go blonde.

"Probably the same thing," said Cupid. Trying to sound more encouraging, he added, "But try it out, just project confidence. Say 'Ares, I want to be the God of Terror.'"

Deimos smiled and said, "No, no, no. I'll say 'Ares, from now on I will be known as the God of Terror.'" He laughed. "This is gonna be great!"

"Good luck, bro."

"Thanks!" Deimos said, teleporting away.

Shaking his head, Cupid said under his breath, "Idiot."

* * *

_Fifteen years later_

_**SHWICK**_

There was a sickening noise of metal carving through flesh, then the thud of a blade hitting wood. People gasped and some cheered as the sharp sword came down, cleanly severing the head of the unlucky man being sacrificed.

"Ouch," said Discord in mock sympathy. "That's gotta hurt."

"I don't get it," said her nephew Deimos.

"What is there to get?"

"What's so special about Phobos that people are cutting off heads and, like, dismembering cows and covering their faces in blood and stuff?"

Discord raised an eyebrow, saying, "Seriously? Have you met your brother?"

Deimos turned and walked away from the gruesome scene. He wasn't repulsed by the brutality either – only resentful that humans were so eager to commit such violence in his twin's name but not his own.

"He's not exactly easy to find," Deimos said. Discord disagreed.

"Oh, really?" she asked. "What's that feeling you get every time you jump off a cliff?"

He scoffed. "I don't jump off cliffs." Which was a lie, because Discord had talked him into doing that just last month.

"When Hercules shows up to kick your ass?" Confronting the troublesome demigod was another thing she knew made Deimos' heart race.

"That doesn't bother me. I can take it." He held up his fists, as though boxing their cousin.

Discord chuckled. She had a good one.

"When Ares is mad at you?"

Deimos stopped walking, considering this thoughtfully. He didn't want to admit the war god's wrath terrified him. He was even a bit scared of Discord herself.

"Hmm."

"That's him, that's Phobos." Recalling a time Deimos showed off his powers to her in a tavern, she said, "You know that spell you showed me, when you manifested people's fears?"

"Yeah?"

"You both have that ability, which I gotta say I was not expecting," she said, genuinely impressed. He had even scared her that day, pinpointing the one thing that terrified her most – a dirty trick she wouldn't let him pull again.

"But here's the difference between you and your brother," she continued. "He does that all the time, just by entering a room. And you think that isn't worthy of worship? What was your biggest scheme? Embarrass a little Amazon tribe?"

"Uh, no!" he said. "I was gonna overthrow Zeus and single handedly take over Olympus, thank you very much!"

Like his father Ares and his cousin Strife, the young god had big, impossible ambitions.

"You gotta keep it small, kid. Build up a following." Discord gestured behind them, to the God of Fear's temple. "Like your brother Phobos." He wasn't an outrageously popular deity but was still a highly respected one.

His confidence suddenly and completely sapped, Deimos cried, with what appeared to be actual tears, "I can't compete with him! It's hopeless."

Deimos crumpled up on the ground pathetically. Discord stood beside him and patted his head.

"You're doing better than Strife, at least."

"Yeah, right," he said sarcastically. "How?"

"You're still alive."


End file.
